-minus a bazillion degrees

Yes, it is true, 85% of our country has been turned into a meat locker this week. We will all have our stories to tell about just how cold it got in our own particular part of the frozen tundra. I fear, many of those stories will border on that thin boundary between fiction and non-fiction. But, they will all be good stories and mostly true by merit.

I am reminiscent of when my own dad talked about walking to school, uphill, in a blizzard, barefoot, twelve miles there and twelve miles back, while carrying his youngest brother on his back. I would get this story every time I whined about having to ride my bike that horrid quarter of a mile to school. So, beware dear readers, everything you read on social media about these -48-degree days, may or may not be suspect. Let me help you decipher the truth.

If someone posts:

It was so cold, I had to push my dog outside to do his business, believe them. I have had to do that several times now. BUT, if someone posts, I had to push my dog outside to do his business and it froze in mid-air, be leery. Or…

It was so cold outside, my boots got frozen to the driveway when I went to the mailbox. Yeah, it’s possible, I guess. BUT, if someone says, it was so cold outside, my boots froze to the driveway when I went to the mailbox, then the snow plough came and buried me under four foot of snow, and a neighborhood dog ran over and did his business on me and it froze in mid-air. Be suspect.

While the temperatures posted will astonish you, don’t be suckered into believing the guy who posts, “Yeah, I had to drive to work in a -200 degree wind chill and I slid off the road into a ditch where it was an extra -12 degrees, and the front of my car froze to the snowbank where it registered -400 degrees, but I stayed warm by using my iPhone flashlight sparingly until the temperature inside the car was a balmy -3 degrees, however, a badger climbed on the hood of my car and did his business and it froze in mid-air.”

What I’m trying to say, folks, is that it is cold, really, really, cold. Be thankful for your warm house, your family gathered around the fireplace, an extra-day to be with your kids, the beauty outside your window, the ice formations outside that are incredible, the food in your fridge, an attached garage if you have one, pipes that did not freeze, a hot shower, and grandma’s warm quilt. If you bundle up real good, where nothing on your body is exposed to the -68-wind chill, scurry outside, spoon some snow into a big bowl, scurry back in and gather all in the kitchen to make snow cream. Caution: Yellow snow is not to be use.

Be smart. Be safe. Be thankful.



(Snow Cream Recipe: Snow, milk, sugar, and vanilla, plus all the chocolate chips you can find. Whip cream is nice too and berries add a nice touch as well.)

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