I have been sucked into a black hole of my own making. I can’t take full responsibility because there have been circumstances that have knocked me for a loop and I’ve simply become too tired to climb out of the abyss. Those of you who know my story know for the last seven years I’ve been defined by loss. My dog, my husband, my dad, my mother and the latest, my best friend. Their losses have begat other losses such as selling my home, leaving my friends and church family, and losing my ministry. Then, those losses begat different losses and so forth and so on
.So, this morning, I was laying on my back at the bottom of this dank hole scrolling through Facebook (If that won’t keep you flat on your back sucking air, I don’t know what will) and I came upon a guy telling his story. He was a party-guy, wasting his life on the pursuit of pleasure, when one day he woke up sick of it all and decided to expunge his useless life by thinking of others instead of himself. Long story short, he eventually started a non-profit called Charity Water. His mission was to provide clean water to third world countries. He showed pictures of himself before and after. Empty eyes now filled with Light. The transformation was incredible. It’s a wonderful organization, look it up if you want to know more.
All of a sudden, I saw a tiny, pin-prick of light at the top edge of my black hole and for the first time in a long time, I wanted to get up and climb out of my misery. I wanted to stand in the light. I was tired of my life being about me.
This pandemic has tried to rob us of so much. Besides the loss of life, the next horrible thing it has done is cause us to become so insulated. After a while, meeting our own needs became paramount. What we want. What we do. What we need. What we care about.
Me. Me. Me.
And, once we became so full of ourselves, we convinced ourselves we were right about everything and everyone else wasn’t. The loss of our old lives morphed us into ______ (fill in the blank for yourself). Add the poison of politics and we had families turning on each other, friends bickering, and churches splitting and pointing fingers. A full out civil war of ideologies were ripping us apart.
I did not ask for my losses. We, as a country did not ask for a pandemic. But, we’ve been given what we’ve been given. I’ve needed time to mourn each of my losses. As a nation, we’ve needed time to adjust to a world of masks and limitations. But, it’s time to climb out of our dark holes of self-indulgence, self-righteousness and self-pity. It’s time to see each other as more important than ourselves, to love again the way God has taught us.
It’s time for me to become once again the person God sees. The pull of the abyss is strong. I’m pretty sure I will falter and stumble, but by God, through God, with God I will prevail and Become.
That’s all I got today. May our great God heal us all.